Happy

Argh! Feeling stressed! It's not even JUST work. I'm usually a sensible person and rational too. So why do I find it so hard to pull myself together? Focus on happier things? Be thankful for what I have and not just think about what I DON'T have which will only bring me down.

It is always easier said than done. I loathe this depressive me. Sometimes I feel like I'm losing my personality by the day, the longer I stay here. Here in cantoshithole, I'm a homebody so much so that I have to draaaaaaaag myself out to do something, meet someone. I used to like going out! Meeting people! Hanging out! Somedays I feel I'm becoming a mere shadow of what I used to be (not that I was a lot to begin with but I feel a lot emptier)

I also resent this constant heavy feeling in my heart and the perpetual lump in my throat (wonder if those freaky swollen lymph nodes got anything to do with it.... nah, prolly not)

I go and bang my head against the wall now and see if I can make this throbbing go away.